Revived

Lemons and Limes.

It's been awhile.
So lets talk about lately.

Lately has consisted of some serious self-clean up. Like the kind where you rub something sour into a cut. Then again, if you do that, you're a doofus. And that's not really the metaphor that aligns with the point.

I've stopped living and breathing homework as much. I'm hesitant to do so. But spring is tip-toeing around here and it'd feel so wonderful to be outside with friends. Not drilling my brain for AP finals. Not biting my nails about a history chapter that I won't retain anything from by the time I finish it. Teachers think I'm slacking, I think I'm just craving a little normalcy/sanity. 

I'm trying to have more faith and patience in people. They know who they are. It's really a challenge for me, but it needs to be done, because that's fair.

This will be the first year I have bought a swimsuit and am thoroughly looking forward to being in the water since about 6th grade. I need to start making a list of pool buddies to sunburn with me.

And I have a car now. It's not running but it's here in my backyard. Forest green '99 Escort. 30ish miles per gallon and it's small enough to not feel like a bus, but big enough to not feel like a coffin. Hopefully it will be running at the end of March. Or maybe mid-April.

It's been awhile for you too.
Tell me about lately.

Oh Darlin'

Today was truly a surprise in so many ways. I was thrown out of my element by an opportunity, I was thrown in my element by a plot idea for a story. And I was reminded of what day it was by ridiculous stuffed animals girls were toting around.

I went on a picnic with a girl I knew from a distance, a girl I wanted to know more, and I girl I got reacquainted with. It was like a stolen fragment of a movie. There were questions and candy in Riverside Park with lots of secrets that outpoured into a single car, ready to stay there till who knows when. Those moments are always so peculiar with girls. How we can put ourselves in a confined space and give away a part of ourselves,  and then never talk about it again. It's a kind of gift. A gift that I've missed for so long. And I'm so glad I got it back, even if it means I will only regain that feeling once.

It was so exciting to see Freya. Her vivid dress and her electric personality is the real deal. She's a fan of making people feel attractive and worthwhile. I'm a fan of that. But then again, I guess it's easy to try and encourage others to feel the way you should. She's painfully compassionate and I wish everyone could be as thrilled as she is about what seems trivial, but really is essential in being happy.

Jordan and I haven't talked since mummies were discovered. It was interesting to catch up and recap and re-do and re-say and edit some of our own premonitions about eachother. It was strange because it was so unexpected but at the same time a really gratifying experience that you only come across with mistakes you make.

Cami- I don't really know her, but she's funny and it was nice to hang out with her. It's always good to meet someone new, even if you've been in the same building as them for the past three years. I like a lot of what she values, and how she seems to have the best friends that everyone deserves.

I talked about so many moments that have weighed me down this past year. I felt like they were freshly baked shrinky-dinks at the end.

Thank you. I got my estrogen fix. Irony was my Valentine.

So I lied. Mum is in the ER. She can't even take in ice chips without feeling miserable. I'm tired of seeing her so frustrated.

This also means car plans are on hold. As well as happiness plans and feeling okay about life in general plans.

Shucks.

Mums is fine, thank you to those who had kinds words to say to me while waiting everything out. You're all a bunch of swell kids.

Chicago is next month. If anyone goes tell me how it went.

I feel this random sense of clarity in how I think. In my morals and how I think everything should function and be. I must say, it's nice.

I hopefully get my car this month. I have to go pick it up from my uncle's shop in Colorado. It's a '98 Ford Escort. Not exactly a Mustang, but it's supposed to be really gas efficient and that makes me excited. It needs a paint job because right now it's this horrible ugly Christmas green and whoever did it apparently didn't do it the right way. So I get the honor of stripping, sanding, and repainting it whatever color I desire. I was thinking canary yellow or mint green. Not sure yet. Yellow would mean a batman theme. Mint Car is a song by The Cure. Tough call.

I'm short on words these days. But that's okay, because sometimes they're cheap and overrated.

Usually not though.

Have you ever met someone so beautiful they make your eyes well then laugh till you feel that pang in your stomach?

Me too.

Iron & Wine makes me want to do lots of marvelous things.
Like sleep with the windows open in the summertime then paint all day and write decent poetry and feel whole.
But fornow, they just make me feel better and soothed by imaginary arms and Sam Beam's humming voice.
I hope there's a band out there that does that for you.

If not, check out these tunes:
*Passing Afternoon
*The Trapeze Swinger
*Lion's Mane
*Love & Some Verses
*Cinders & Smoke
*Jezebel
*Sixteen Maybe Less
*Evening On The Ground

AHH there are so many more, but those are the essentials. Yes, every single one.